"EAT THIS, NOT THAT"...IT'S THANKSGIVING...SHUT IT!

Do you know who can really take all of the greatness out of Thanksgiving? Nutritionists, doctors, and healthy-living "experts", that's who. Thanksgiving is a day where fun is solely measured by how tight your pants are when it ends. Unfortunately, freaky food people are trying to intimidate holiday observing Americans into eating healthier, by making them well aware of how many calories they will consume in a span of 24 hours. And to that we say...back off bitches, it's one day...let us all pop the buttons off our shirts and shower with gravy in PEACE.

According to the jerk face health nuts out there, the average American inhales between 3,000 and 4,500 calories during this one day of thanks. We honestly, don't see any problem here. Buuuuuuut the media is blasting us with advice, tips, and other annoying information on how to avoid overeating this Thanksgiving. As it turns out, we have a little advice of our own to give on this topic...

What "Experts" Suggest: Put unhealthy side dishes such as; mashed potato's, stuffing, candied yams, etc, on a side table away from the main eating area.
Reasoning: People get comfortable and they tend to eat only what is placed in front of them.
What We Suggest: Sit at the side table.



What "Experts" Suggest: Choose white meat over dark meat.
Reasoning: White meat is higher in protein and lower in fat content and calories.
What We Suggest: Eat both. Nobody likes a racist at the Thanksgiving table.



What "Experts" Suggest: Do not skip meals on Thanksgiving Day.
Reasoning: Eating breakfast and lunch will help you to avoid binge eating at dinner.
What We Suggest: We agree. Eat all day long.



What "Experts" Suggest: Socialize with your family.
Reasoning: You can't talk with your mouth full.
What We Suggest: Chow down and speak up. Your dad has been telling the same story about you failing Earth Science in the 9th grade with food flying out of his mouth for 15 years.



What "Experts" Suggest: Eat a low-fat vegetable soup as a starter.
Reasoning: Soups rich in vegetables fill you up with nutrients, making you feel full and satisfied.
What We Suggest: Throw the soup on the floor and say "what is this shit? The Pilgrims didn't eat soup!"



What "Experts" Suggest: Workout before your meal.
Reasoning: A high intensity workout will help to burn up excess calories.
What We Suggest: Skip the gym. You'll burn enough calories fist fighting for 10 rounds with your family.



What "Experts" Suggest: Drink plenty of water.
Reasoning: Water will keep you hydrated and help to make you feel full throughout the day.
What We Suggest: Beer has water in it. Drink up.



Happy Thanksgiving kickballers!

Source: https://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=103

SHOVE IT SANTA...IT'S NOT YOUR TIME TO SHINE!

Ahhhhhh...Thanksgiving. What a great holiday. How awesome is it that we center an entire day around stuffing our faces, binge drinking, and watching 8 hours of football? Throw a little nap and a good quality family fight into the mix and you have yourself one stellar celebration. So, if Thanksgiving is so awesome, then why are yule logs being jammed down our throats and crammed up our asses before we even get to enjoy our one day of pure gluttony?

Sure, Christmas is a fantastic holiday as well. But...it comes after Thanksgiving (some of you may not be aware of how the calendar works). So for those of you out there who would rather smell pine needles instead of turkey, drink eggnog instead of whiskey, and who would rather kiss under the mistletoe instead of punching your brother in the face...here are a few fun Thanksgiving quotes to help you find your true "holiday" spirit.

1. “I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” ~ John Stewart
2. "When I was a kid in Indiana, we thought it would be fun to get a turkey a year ahead of time and feed it and so on for the following Thanksgiving. But by the time Thanksgiving came around, we sort of thought of the turkey as a pet, so we ate the dog." ~ David Letterman
3. "Just think...if the Indians had given the pilgrims a donkey instead of a turkey...we would all be having a nice piece of ass for Thanksgiving." ~ Anonymous
4. "It's almost Thanksgiving! A day when you get to hear your extended family use racial slurs for groups are not taking away their jobs." ~ Jen Kirkman
5. "This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults' table. That's 'cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate." ~ Andre Kelley
6. "I love chicken. I would eat chicken fingers on Thanksgiving if it were socially acceptable." ~ Todd Barry
7. "If you're at a Thanksgiving dinner, but you don't like the stuffing or the cranberry sauce or anything else, just pretend like you're eating it, but instead, put it all in your lap and form it into a big mushy ball. Then, later, when you're out back having cigars with the boys, let out a big fake cough and throw the ball to the ground. Then say, 'Boy, these are good cigars!'" ~ Jack Handey
8. "My mom has a little nickname for [when I came out]. She calls it 'the Thanksgiving that Stephanie ruined.'" ~ Stephanie Howard
9. "Thanksgiving is the perfect mix of cultural harmony and incoherently racist grandparents." ~Anonymous
10. "Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying that magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dinning room to sit in her car." ~ Stephen Colbert

GOBBLE TIL YOU WOBBLE KICKBALLERS!

Source: https://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=102

HAIR PULLING WITH A SIDE OF TURKEY...MMMM DELICIOUS!

Tom the Turkey is lurking right around the corner! And do you know what that means? That's right, it's almost time for families across this great nation to come together for an enormous feast, kegs of beer, and to insult and annoy each other until someone files for a divorce.

Let's face it...we all love our families. But at Thanksgiving time especially, the crazy in all of us becomes unleashed. We realize that it can be stressful sitting next to an uncle you didn't even know existed until that day. Or to that slightly off neighbor from next door with the scary scar who used to threaten your life for cutting across his lawn when you were little (but you're mom thinks he's sweet). Or to your guilt tripping grandma who spends the entire meal complaining about her sciatica while telling you not to worry, because she'll be dead soon. So as you sit down at the table this year, ready to break bread with your family by hitting one of them in the face with a loaf...here are some quality survival tips to help keep you sane throughout the Thanksgiving holiday.

1. Drink A LOT! We realize that drinking does not solve family problems...but it sure as heck makes you care a ton less about them. Do you want to know what makes your moms complaining tolerable? Scotch. Do you want to know what makes the never ending comments about you not having a job hysterical? Whiskey. Do you want to know why you haven't noticed that your grandfather isn't wearing pants? Tequila. Besides, when was the last time you ever heard about a peace treaty being signed over a nice cold glass of milk? Never. So drink on.
   
   
2. Wear Earplugs. These handy devices are available at every grocery store and pharmacy in the United States. CVS, Walgreen's, Rite Aid, you name it - they're there. For about $1.99 you can block out virtually all family annoyances. Your aunts crying, your dads snoring, your uncles racism...just about everything can be blocked out like it's not even happening.
   
   
3. Take Up Hunting. We are not suggesting that everyone go out and grab a gun and shoot an animal. We are simply suggesting that everyone just go out and grab a gun. Not the bullets...only the gun. This is all about intimidation. Do you want to know why your jackass cousin isn't reminiscing about you being called "Fatty McFatty Pants" in the 6th grade? It's because you're dressed in eye black and camouflage with a power rifle strapped to your back. He doesn't need to know that it's not loaded. Simply sit at the dinner table and clean your Glock...jerk face Jeffery will stand down. Trust us.
   
   
4. Set Yourself on Fire. Spending 12 hours cooking a meal for a family that you've tried your whole life to get away from is just a ridiculous thought. And if you think the thought of all of this is way worse than being woken up at 7am on a Sunday by a Jehovah's Witness...then it's clear. There is nothing else you can do. Sometimes setting yourself on fire is the only excuse available for not making it to Thanksgiving dinner.
   
   
5. Lace the Green Bean Casserole. Sometimes even with alcohol, earplugs, fire, and a gun you just can't make everyone stop talking about why you're still single, living in a studio apartment, and wearing a backpack when you haven't been a student in 12 years. For these moments, it might be easier to let everyone at the table have a little nap before dessert. We are not condoning drug use here...we are simply offering up a different casserole topping other than those weird onion rings out of a can that your Aunt Betty always puts on the vegetables. Seriously...what are those things?
   
   
6. Carve the Turkey. Helping out at Thanksgiving sucks. There is no fun in doing the dinner dishes or mashing 27 pounds of potatoes. None at all. However, if you must help with something, (because your mom is screaming "why don't you love me" and your dad is yelling "how did I get such a lazy shit for a kid"), then step up and carve the turkey. Everyone loves the turkey carver. All the crazies at the table hold their plates out in eager anticipation with drool pouring down their chins, waiting for you to put a piece of dead bird on their plate. For one brief moment...you are at the top of the Thanksgiving food chain. And you get to hold a knife. That helps to keep everyone in check.
   
   
7. Induce a Tryptophan Coma. Science has completely debunked the theory that it is the turkey at Thanksgiving that makes everyone pass out...rather pointing the blame on the fact that we all smash our faces into ginormous plates of food and drink more alcohol than Kid Rock. However, every year your Great Aunt Fran announces loudly that it's clearly the chemicals in the turkey that are to blame for all of the yawning. Use this to your advantage. Pile the turkey high like Everest on your plate and make sure your Aunt Fran is within view. Then go pass out. Frannie won't let anyone bother you. She's knows that sleeping for hours is the only cure. 
   
   
8. Complain About Your Gas & Bloating Problems. Plain and straight...Thanksgiving is a really long day. Out of the 14 hours that you've committed to spending with your crackhead family, you will spend 13 of them looking for places to escape. If you can't seem to get your little snot-filled cousins to stop using you as a personal playground or if you can't get your grandmother to stop pinching your waist while referring to you as "healthy"...tell them you are experiencing a wicked case of gas and bloating. This declaration will give you all of the space and privacy you need. Best part? You can lock yourself in the bathroom for 3 hours and watch the game on your phone. No one wants to go in to the bathroom that you're busy "blowing up".
   
   
9. Pretend You're Asleep. This is a basic go-to maneuver. Childish, yes. But it does have a 75% success rate in making people go away. We have already covered the Tryptophan coma excuse...however, this tactic is a pre-dinner strategy. Simply put, you know someone in your family is going to make you want to serve up your fist rather than a piece of pumpkin pie within 16.3 seconds of walking through the front door. Instead of swinging...quickly move to the couch and play dead.
   
   
10. Fake Ebola. This can be your last ditch effort or your first, depending on how awful your family is. If you wish you were a mango every time you hear your father say "the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it?" with stuffing in his mouth...then it might be time for some Ebola symptoms to emerge. Start with the fever and move on from there. An Ebola infection will not only get your parents to stop bitching about the neighbors dog barking...it will get you a free pass right out of Thanksgiving all together. And honestly, sometimes we all could really use a good 21 day quarantine.  

Gobble, Gobble kickballers!

Source: https://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=101

TRICK OR TREAT...SMELL MY CLEATS

It's Halloween time kickballers! We're guessing that most of you right now are sweating it out at Party City, hoping to find a last minute costume that doesn't suck for your party this Friday night. We understand that trying on the Naughty Flight Attendant and Where's Waldo costumes are not that much fun....so while you're in the dressing room trying to cram yourself into the last available extra-small Storm Troopers outfit, here are some good, clean Halloween quotes to help lighten up your mood.

1. So the first time you hear the concept of Halloween when you're a kid your brain can't even process the information. You're like: "What is this? What did you say?" "What did you say about giving out candy? Who's giving out candy?" "Everyone that we know is giving out candy!!" ~ Jerry Seinfeld
2. There are three things I have learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics and the Great Pumpkin. ~ Linus from "It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown"
3. On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me. ~ Rodney Dangerfield
4. Nothing related to Halloween scares me. What scares me is when I flush someone else’s toilet and the water keeps rising. ~ Anonymous
5. Halloween is the one night a year when girls can dress like a total slut and no other girls can say anything about it. ~ Lindsay Lohan
6. There are several ways to kill a zombie, but the most satisfying one is to stab it in the brain with a wooden stick. ~ Dwight Schrute
7. This Halloween the most popular mask is the Arnold Schwarzenegger mask. And the best part? With a mouth full of candy you will sound just like him. ~ Conan O'Brien
8. The older you get, the harder it is to find someone willing to share a horse costume with you. ~Anonymous
9. Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special. ~ Chris Rock
10. Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, "Never take candy from strangers." And then they dressed me up and said, "Go beg for it." I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, "Trick or treat." "No thank you." ~ Rita Rudner

HAPPY HALLOWEEN BALLERS! STAY SAFE & SCARE ON!

Source: https://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=99

BALLS, BEERS, BABES & BRACKETS!

Who: Yobogoya! vs. Beer Drinkers and Babymakers
Where: Sahlen Stadium Field #2
When: Thursday, October 23rd 7:15PM

Beer Drinkers and Babymakers
Team Captain: Steve Seeley
Team Sponsor: Salinger's Bar & Grill
Captain's Pre-Game Strategy: "Well, I'm an old man compared to this league. So what I do is, I stretch, I squat, I throw around a lot, I run, and I do all of the things that old men would do because this is a young mans game, and it's tough being an old man playing a young mans game. With that being said, I like being grandpa and coaching this team."

Yobogoya!
Team Captain: John Callan
Team Sponsor: The Scotch House Pub
Captain's Pre-Game Strategy: "Kick the ball. Yeah, that's it. Oh, and catch the ball."


Thursday nights frosty temperature was no match for the heat that was being thrown down on the kickball field. As playoff's approach - kickballers were cranking up the thermostats in anticipation of bracket time. With t-shirts, shorts, and snot running down their noses both teams clutched their cold beers and took to the diamond. Play Ball!!  

The 1st Inning:

Yobogoya's! first ups at the plate were about as exciting as last seasons finale of Snooki & Jwoww. After two consecutive pop-outs to the infield, blue landed a runner safely on first with a line drive to short. A drop to shallow center put runners on first and second...and then it all fell flat, much like the draft Molson's being poured at the stadium. (We kidd - the Molson's are divine.) A pop up to second ended the inning scoreless and cheerless.

Beer Drinkers & Babymakers, which coincidentally was the title of Snooki & Jwoww's season finale, didn't fair too much better at the plate. Two runners being drilled with rubber on their way to first and a fly out to center ended their ups fast. In their defense, with a name like Beer Drinkers & Babymakers - we're not so sure if this team is familiar with the look and feel of rubber.   


The 2nd Inning:

In an attempt to stick it to the Babymakers, Yobogoya! pulled their dress socks up to their knees and took to the ball during the top of the 2nd. First kick = runner thrown out at first. Second kick = runner thrown out at first. Are you sensing a pattern here? Third kick = pop out to second. A tricky pattern...but a pattern of outs, nonetheless.

Just as Ludacris took to the mic...Yobogoya! trotted back out to the field, hoping to jam balls in the mouths of Babymakers. A grounder traveling to short in extreme slow motion landed a runner safely on first with 1 out. A pop up to short and a caught line drive at third kept the beer guzzling babies scoreless and sober.


The 3rd Inning:

It appeared as though the Babymakers had some paranormal assistance in the field during the top of the 3rd. Even with their shortstop and second baseman colliding like bumper cars in the infield, they still managed to catch a pop up to short for the first out of the inning. The Beer Drinkers first baseman got the second out when he dropped the ball prior to making the tag. Huh? That's right. The runner wouldhave been safe had the ball not landed on her foot before stepping on the bag. How's that for crappy ass luck? I bet Yobogoya! put all their money on Dallas to beat Washington during Monday nights game too! The final out was just a plain old regular fly out to center. Nothing magically delicious there.  

Rihanna serenaded the crowd with her sexy Barbadian voice as the Beer Drinkers lined up to kick. A quick one-hopper to short put a runner on base for the first kick of the inning. Fast forward to runners at first and second, and rewind back to 10th grade math class...If Train A leaves second base after a bunt to the pitcher, and Train B leaves first base after a shot to right field...and Train C leaves Milwaukee at 6am on Friday...when will they all arrive home? During the bottom of the 3rd is the answer we were looking for here. 3-0 Babymakers.  


The 4th Inning:

A pop up to the pitcher, a pop up to short, and a grounder to third, left Yo Gabba Gabba looking like a bunch of freakish characters at the plate. The great thing about this half of the inning? It was flipping freezing out and it ended quickly.

Still pumped from their last ups, the beer funneling baby droolers took another crack at the ball. With a boot to left and two kicks to shallow center, they had themselves some runners on the bags. Through the use of some trickery and some speedy footwork, the babymaking drunks sent a run home. 4-0 Beer Drinkers. 


The 5th Inning:

Down by 4 runs, Yobogoya! looked defeated as they organized their line-up for the top of the 5th. With two runners being thrown out at first and with a pop out to center - blue sucked empties and returned to the field.

Psy had most of the Yobogoya! team dancing out to "Gangnam Style" in the outfield during the bottom half of the inning. Luckily, their sic dance skills intimidated the Beer Drinkers and stopped them dead in their tracks. Three outs in four plays...side retired. Still 4-0 Babies.


The 6th Inning:

Intensity grew in the stadium once Baba Booey realized that time was running out for them to play catch up on the scoreboard. The first kick of the inning was a grounder to the pitcher, sending a runner to first, where they beat out the throw. Right now you're probably thinking, "wow, maybe Yobogoya! will tie up this game during this inning". But you'd be really wrong. Two pop ups to center and a throw out at first ended the inning and the momentum of the team. Such a shame. 

Hoping this would be their last ups of the game so they could go drink beer and make babies, the Babymakers tightened the Velcro straps on their cleats and washed down their Big League Chew with a swig of Labatt's. Their first kick was a high line drive up the center, which practically decapitated Yobogoya's! pitcher before hitting the ground. But that's where the excitement ended. Three outs followed immediately - keeping it to a 4-0 game.


The 7th Inning:

With one last shot at staying alive and bringing home the bacon, Yobogoya! tap danced their way up to home plate. A grounder to third landed them their first out of the inning. However, a grounder to first gave them a base runner. Let's go over that again...A grounder to third = out, and a grounder to first = safe? Oh will these crazy kickball shenanigans ever end? Going back to that grounder at first...did we mention that the ball was flipped over the head of the right fielder who was backing up the base, allowing the runner to make it to second? Yeah, that happened. The next kicker popped up to center field. After tagging up, the runner on second went. The Beer Drinkers, who looked like they were 5 or 6 kegs in at this point, allowed the runner to score through a slew of errors. Seriously, like everyone playing in the field received an E on that play. Unfortunately, the next few kicks resulted in outs...keeping the final score of the game to 4-1. Beer Drinkers and Babymakers win! On a related note: Do you think nine months from now there will be a lot more kids at the stadium watching the games?

 
Photo Credits: Frohtography


Source: https://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=98

DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!

The season of non-stop horror movie marathons is in full swing! From machete wielding characters to wax museums that use all the friends you just went camping with as the exhibits...October is chock full of dark scary television fun. As cheesy as some can be, these creepy flicks have taught us some pretty good survival tools over the last several decades. By now, most of us know the "what not to do's" during this time of the year in order to survive. Just in case some of you have forgotten, here they are again in no particular order...

1. Babysit. We all know that babysitting only leads to death during the month of October. Even if it is the only time you get to bump uglies with your boyfriend without your parents finding out...don't do it. The kids sleeping upstairs have a better shot at surviving through the night than you and the high school quarter back do, grinding away on the living room couch. Most babysitting stabbings occur mid thrust anyway - leaving you and your partner not only dead...but very unsatisfied.
   
   
2. Run Out of Gas. With Kwik Fills and Sunoco stations on practically every street corner in America, it is amazing that this still happens. However, it does only seem to happen to good-looking men and women traveling at night on dark country roads. So if you need to visit Aunt Betty who lives in the sticks and you just happen to resemble Mila Kunis or Ryan Gosling...make sure you fill er' up.
   
   
3. Camping. If you know of anyone going camping this month, our advice is to quickly become the beneficiary on their life insurance policy - you'll cash in soon enough. It's a proven fact that going camping equals being sliced and diced, either in a tent or in a cabin. However, if it is out of your control and you are forced to do the unthinkable and go camping against your will...stay in a cabin that has indoor plumbing, never open the door to check on "that noise outside", don't step foot in the shower, and practice abstinence. Mixing sex with camping is a recipe for naked death. And if the campsite you're going to is named Crystal Lake...save sometime and just stab your own self in the face now.
   
   
4. Go In Basements. We understand that it is completely normal at other times of the year to check the electrical box in the basement when the power goes out...but not now, man. The absolute last thing you should ever do is check on anything in the basement. It's full throttle obvious that someone is waiting for you down there with a rusty butcher knife. If the power goes out - grab your dog (if their heads haven't been cut off yet and shoved through the doggie door) and run like hell. And don't run to your neighbors, masked men in blue jumpsuits can find you there too!
   
   
5. Skinny Dip. This is just not a good date night idea. Besides the possible unknown creature swimming below your feet - there is also the murderous threat that awaits on-shore. If one of you doesn't start suddenly splashing around in panic like a two-year old in a kiddie pool,only to disappear from the waters surface...chances are you are going to be greeted up on the sand by a chainsaw to the head. If you are looking for romance...light some candles and put on Michael Buble's greatest hits, skip the water.
   
   
6. Investigate Noises. Opening up the back door or going downstairs to check on a strange noise in the house is the number one cause of death for unsuspecting people during October. Of course you want to make sure "that noise" was just a cat in the alley or the hot water pipes rattling...but that's not what it will be if you go and check. There is definitely a freakishly strong psychopath in your house or some paranormal shit going on. It is always best to stay in bed with the covers over your head until morning. What you can't see won't hurt you is the proper approach to take here.
   
   
7. Make Out In A Car. This less than glamorous event has been killing teenagers on-screen for decades. If you want to be just another statistic...then by all means, park it and pucker up. However, if you want to live past tomorrow, avoid car make-out sessions in any location. Drive-in's, dark parking lots, wooded pull-offs, parking garages, and anything nicknamed "lovers lane" are all hotbeds of death and terror.
   
   
8. Stay In A Motel. We would recommend trying a Best Western or Hilton before deciding to pull into a motel located next to a truck stop. Besides the fact that these seedy vacancies never offer continental breakfasts or clean sheets to their guests, they are virtually nothing more than giant crime scenes of mass murders. But in the off chance that the Hyatt is completely booked and the Bates Motel is the only thing available for 300 miles...remember to never go to the vending machines - ice and Twizzlers are just not that important. It's also best to stack all of the motel furniture in front of the door as well. And if you find yourself in an adjoining room - drink a Red Bull and keep on driving.
   
   
9. Lose Phone Service. With cell towers practically out numbering people at this point, it is a bizarre occurrence if your cell phone completely loses its signal. On the Discovery Channel they even show Eskimo's talking on their iphone's while ice fishing in the Arctic. So if you find yourself in any of the aforementioned situations (camping in the woods, deserted on a dark country road, in a basement, in a motel, or babysitting) and your phone service goes dead - odds are that's how you are going to end up very shortly. Check your bars people!!
   
   
10. Be The Token. No matter what race or ethnicity you are...make sure you are not the only one of that color or origin within your group of friends. If you're from India and you find yourself at an all Japanese Halloween house party...you'll be the first to go. Being the "token" is a clear cut signal of death, without question. Be aware of your surroundings. If you become out numbered by a group of whites, blacks, Koreans, or Turkish opera singers...just run. Yes, there is safety in numbers...but right now it's only safe if those numbers look the same as you. 

Stay alive kickballers! It's a mad, mad world out there!
Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=96

THIS ISN'T PLAYGROUND BALL...THIS IS FALL KICKBALL!

Who: The Ladybugs vs. Should Have Been Swallowed
Where: Sahlen Stadium Field #2
When: Thursday, October 2nd 8:15PM

The Ladybugs
Team Captain: Devon Cottle
Team Sponsor: Matthew's East End Grill
Captain's Pre-Game Strategy: "Our strategy? I'm gonna have to think about that. Um...can I get back to you?"

Should Have Been Swallowed
Team Captain: Danny Gibaud
Team Sponsor: Prepps
Captain's Pre-Game Strategy: "We don't have a strategy - we just like playing. We got a bunch of newbies, I got my parents playing with us. So I guess our strategy is just to have fun...and possibly win, but it's never gonna happen."


Clear skies, crisp air, and an endless lava flow of cold beer set the tone for Thursday nights kickoff between the ever-so dainty Ladybugs and Should Have Been Swallowed. Techno music blasting from the speakers had all the players frantically searching for their glow sticks as they completed their squat thrusts, slammed their drinks, and took to the field. Game on!

The 1st Inning:

Should Have Been Swallowed went down hard during their first ups - shooting blanks all over the field. 3 kicks + 3 outs = side retired. It's simple math children.

Pumped up from their Jeter-like moves in the field, the Ladybugs took their turn at the plate. The first kick of the inning landed a runner on first, as the right fielder bobbled and dropped what "Should Have Been..." an easy out. Fast forward to two outs and a runner on first...the Ladybugs sent a ball sailing into far left  - bringing in a run. Another drill to left and a short kick to third loaded the bases like a shotgun at a Young Jeezy concert. Luckily for Swallowed, a force out at second ended what could have been a devastating blow to any kickballers ego.


The 2nd Inning:

After an embarrassing start to the game, Should Have Been Swallowed brushed the rug burns off their knees, attempting to redeem themselves during the top of the 2nd. First kick...pop out to center. Second kick...pop out to center. (At this point somebody should have told them to stop kicking to center.) Third kick...pop out to center. (But they didn't.) Still 1-0 Ladybugs.

Upon returning to the plate with freshly filled beers, the Ladybugs were at it again. Back to back drives to the outfield landed runners on 1st and 2nd respectively. In an attempt to kill the kicking mojo...the Swallowed's center fielder paused the game for the longest shoe tying session on record. A clever attempt, (no one noticed he was wearing Velcro), but an unsuccessful one. A hanger kicked to right drove in a run before the inning ended. 2-0 Bugs.


The 3rd Inning:

Inspired by hearing "Moves Like Jagger" played throughout the stadium, Should Have Been Swallowed ramped up their kicking skills in the 3rd. With a grounder to left, a bunt to first, and a long drive to center, they were on the board...squashing Ladybugs as they rounded the bases.

Stunned by the drastic turn around, the Ladybugs choked on Swallowed's pitching moves during the bottom of the inning. Pop ups, force outs, and being hit in the back with balls left the inning scoreless. 2-1 Ladybugs lead.


The 4th Inning:

Down by one run and flying high from the 3rd inning, Should Have Been Swallowed ejaculated balls all over the field during the top of the 4th. With base runners galore and a ground rule double, Swallowed climaxed, bringing in 3 runs. 4-2 Swallowed.

The Ladybugs, now visibly shaken and drunk, attempted to answer back and catch Swallowed in a postcoital nap. However, they did not anticipate the cat-like reflexes of the third baseman - catching multiple line drives without the need for catnip or a scratching post. Inning over.


The 5th Inning:

With a 2 run lead and big swollen heads, Should Have Been Swallowed took to the plate with rock hard...feet? After a pop up to short and a throw out at 1st, Swallowed finally landed on base when the Ladybugs pitcher confused the game of kickball with soccer. Back to back successful kicks brought the score to 5-2.

To get the momentum shifting, the Ladybugs brought in the fists and shouted a team chant before sending off the first kick of the inning. Though their cheer was no match for the sic rhymes being laid down by Little John on the loud speaker, it did do some damage to the scoreboard. With the help of a few fielding errors, the Ladybugs sent home 2 runners...bringing the score to a 5-4 game. Yes, we know this is getting intense...simmer down.


The 6th Inning:

With a marginal lead, Should Have Been Swallowed felt pressure during the top of the inning...taking most of it out on the umpire. Their four year old temper tantrums led them to drop bombs in the field - not those kind of bombs, those would get us fined. Even with their second base runner getting tea-bagged on her way to third, Swallowed still managed to put 2 runs up on the board.

"Rah-Rah...we are the Ladybugs...Rah!" The fearsome Ladybug cheer intimidated Should Have Been Swallowed into making a series of ridiculous fielding errors during the bottom of the 6th. Looking like the Rockettes during their Christmas Spectacular Show, the Ladybugs traveled the bases like Columbus and drove in 4 runs to regain the lead. Inning over. 8-7 Ladybugs. Yikes!


The 7th Inning:

Listening to the Ladybugs pep squad in the field and shouting more F-bombs than Andrew Dice Clay does in a week, Should Have Been Swallowed took to the plate just in time for "Pumped Up Kicks" to play throughout the stadium. The 2nd kick of the inning placed a runner on first with one out. After a quick pop up to left for another out, Swallowed blasted a money shot to far center for an in-the-park-homerun. 9-8 Swallowed.

Ditching their skirts and pom-poms, the Ladybugs smacked each others asses and prepared for battle during their last ups. Two consecutive bunts down the third baseline placed two runners on with no outs. A shot to center had the second base runner tagging up and heading for home. Nailing the cut-off, the shortstop ran the ball in as the runner rounded third. Unfortunately, just as the shortstop fired the ball, he tripped and fell on his face - exposing his crack and allowing in the winning run. A terrible way to go down. Final score: 9-8 Ladybugs.


Thursday nights match up between The Ladybugs and Should Have Been Swallowed further proved the fact that 3rd graders at recess have nothing on NACKA Kickballers. This isn't the playground. This isn't Kansas, Dorothy. This is fall kickball. A place to kick balls hard without being slapped with an assault charge.

Photo Credits: Frohtography

Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=95