INSTEAD OF COMPLAINING ABOUT THE SNOW...GET OUT & PLAY IN IT!

For us Rochestarians, January can be a long, grueling month that is filled to the brim with 10 foot high snow banks and temperatures so low, they can cause your nose hairs to fuse together in less than one second. Most of us spend this time of the year hibernating in our homes like bears, while frantically searching Expedia for cheap flights to Miami. We completely understand the urge to escape the weather and the need to soak up some vitamin D in our very deficient bodies...but there are some pretty fun things that us western New Yorkers can do that the bronze beauties in the Keys can't. So rather than sitting on your couch bitching about the cold and the snow for the next 3 months...put on your 7th layer, open your door, and embrace all the fun that winter has to offer. Here are some classic winter fun ideas to help you get rolling...

1. Have a Snowball Fight. These cold white battles can range from innocent after school-type fun to full on blood baths, depending on how icy the snow is. And just in case a few of you pansies out there can't handle the frostbitten fingers that are associated with the weapon crafting portion, they now make powerful snowball guns that will fire off 3 balls in 3 seconds. These weapons of mass snow destruction will transform your front yard from a winter wonderland into a scene straight out of Apocalypse Now...but with snow.
   
   
2. Go Sledding. Ahhhhhh sledding. Does any thing on the planet invoke such blissful childhood memories like sledding does? Not really. The awesome news? Sledding is still so much freaking fun as an adult...it's only slightly scarier and it comes with more pain the next morning...but other than that, one hell of a great time! Whether on a tube, a toboggan, or on a trash can lid...nothing beats the cold wind in your face, snot running down your nose, and the threat of completely wiping out the group of six year old's at the bottom of the hill.
   
   
3. Build A Snowman. Thanks to Disney's Frozen movie, asking someone if they want to build a snowman seems very cliche now. However, if you can get the visions of Elsa & Anna running around with Olaf out of your head...rolling up three giant balls of snow is actually quite fun. However, if the snow is light and fluffy - this adventure is a complete bust. You'll be out-of-your-mind annoyed and will just end up throwing a tantrum like a three year old and jamming the corn-cob pipe up someones ass. Builder beware.
   
   
4. Make an Igloo. What could be more fascinating than building an entire house out of snow? We realize, a lot of things. However, it is pretty amazing to be able to dig, pack, and pile yourself a private cave right in your very own backyard. Contrary to what our third grade science teachers always told us...it's actually quite freezing in there, so don't be prepared to move your bed in just yet. On a related note: there is almost the same amount of fun to be had in the destruction of your ice castle as well.
   
   
5. Play Hockey. We're not talking about the paid ice time at an arena kind of hockey here. We're talking about a classic pick up game of pond hockey. You know the kind where you have to shovel the snow off the ice yourself, while praying to the Gods above that you won't break through and quite possibly die? Skating over uneven bumps of ice that will inevitably have someone leaving with a bloody lip...stopping every twelve seconds because someone thought they heard cracking...or watching your flamboyant cousin work on his double axle and triple lutz during water breaks. These are all memories to be made people.
   
   
6. Hot Tub in a Blizzard. Sure, a lot of folks have hot tubs. But not a lot of them are able to sit by the jets with a Jack & Coke during a complete white-out! This will be the closest you will ever feel to being on the inside of a snow globe, while being totally warm. Just the sheer fact that you can sit outside butt-ass naked in 10° weather during the middle of a winter storm and actually get "too hot", defies human survival as we know it. Soakers Tip: Bring all the alcohol & mixers out with you. Running back inside for anything sucks...and will have even the toughest of men running on their tippy toes like a bowling Fred Flinstone.
   
   
7. Go Skiing / Snowboarding. A winter lovers favorite past-time! From the second the first snow falls in upstate New York, skiers and snowboarders alike start drooling over the chance to shred some serious flake on the slopes. Nearly wetting their tighty whitey's at the thought of fresh powder, snow enthusiasts carve out entire weekends to spend on the trails. And even if you don't ride...all ski resorts have bars and fireplaces for you to stay warm and drunk in. Think of Dumb and Dumber (the first one)...hairy boots and all.
   
   
8. Make A Snow Angel. Okay...so this one may not provide you hours of memorable enjoyment, but it is something that you can do just about anywhere at anytime. You can do it whether or not you have kids, have been drinking, have money, have shame, have clothes on...what have you. The best part? When you stumble out of a bar and slip and fall on your ass...you can turn it into an instant "I totally meant to do that" moment by busting out an angel. Nobody's going to believe it...but you'll be too drunk to care.
   
   
9. Go Ice Fishing. If you haven't seen the movie "Grumpy Old Men"...go out and rent it. This film will give you the gist on what ice fishing is really all about. It's about drinking with your friends in a different location other than a bar, while pretending to fish. Besides the fact that it's wicked cool to be able to drive your truck out on a frozen lake, ice shanties are also yet another man cave to claim as your own. You can put anything in there, from heaters, to microwaves, to flat screens and more, by simply tapping into some poor schmucks electric. Catching a fish is a bonus...but you'll probably be too full from the homemade spinach dip you just whipped up in your hot pot to eat it.
   
   
10. Take Up Snowshoeing. Believe it or not, snowshoeing is considered to be the fastest growing winter sport in the world. And no, we're not talking about just putting a pair of sneakers on and walking through a snow bank like an idiot...we're talking, buy a professional pair of weird wicker-canoe looking shoes and go hiking through the woods. Burning up more than 600 calories an hour, this popular past-time is apparently healthier for you than sitting on your couch watching the entire last season of Breaking Bad with a large pepperoni pizza resting on your "abs". Besides...you never can have too many shoes in your closet.

Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=109

FIRE UP YOUR NETFLIX & GET FIRED UP FOR FOOTBALL PLAYOFFS

For football fans across the nation, January is a month long wet dream! Beers, nacho's, high-fives, hard hits, big bets, and chicken wings. Can you say heaven boys and girls? Because we can. Now that the Wild Card spots have all been secured, it's time to roll right on over to the AFC/NFC Divisional Round this weekend,  followed by championship games the next. These two consecutive sweaty weekends are going to feature some of the best team match-ups of the season...and we want to make sure that you are properly stretched and ready for it. It's not too late to fire up Netflix to watch some classic football movies to help you find your inner wide-receiver mojo. And even if you have already been wearing eye black and hip pads for months in preparation of playoffs...this movie list will have you climaxing in football ecstasy! 
Because we are an awesome kickball league and not Siskel & Ebert circa 1988, the following movies are listed only in alphabetical order. When it comes time to put some Kickball teams in a list...we'll rank the shit out of that. But until that time...pick a few, put on a jersey, crack a cold one, and start streaming.

*NACKA Note: We realize that some of these movies are cheesier than the queso dip at Chili's. But sometimes we all need to add a little bit more cheese into our diets.

NACKA Kickball's Must-See Football Movies List:

1. All The Right Moves (1983)
2. Any Given Sunday (1999)
3. Brian's Song (1971 / 2001 Remake)
4. Everybody's All-American (1988)
5. Friday Night Lights (2004)
6. Heaven Can Wait (1978)
7. Invincible (2006)
8. Jerry Maguire (1996)
9. Leatherheads (2008)
10. Little Giants (1994)
11. Necessary Roughness (1991)
12. Radio (2003)
13. Remember the Titans (2000)
14. Rudy (1993)
15. Semi-Tough (1977)
16. The Best of Times (1986)
17. The Blind Side (2009)
18. The Express (2008)
19. The Last Boy Scout (1991)
20. The Longest Yard (1974 / 2005 Remake)
21. The Program (1993)
22. The Replacements (2000)
23. The Water Boy (1998)
24. We Are Marshall (2006)
25. Wildcats (1986)

Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=108

3...2...1...HAPPY NEW YEAR BIG BALLERS!

Soon drunks around the globe will smash their sloppy, over poured champagne glasses into one another with puckered up lips, while pretending to know the words to Auld Lang Syne. New Year's Eve gives us all a free, no excuse necessary, reason to get completely blasted out of our minds. To most...it's the greatest night ever. To some...it's just another night where Ryan Seacrest is on television. Here are how some famous folks feel about this yearly celebration.

1. “New Year's Eve, where auld acquaintance be forgot. Unless, of course, those tests come back positive.” ~ Jay Leno
2. "This year my New Year's resolution was to stop saying 'Seacrest out!' after I ejaculate." ~ Zach Galifiankis
3. "People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas." ~ Anonymous
4. "New Year's Day now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual." ~ Mark Twain
5. "This New Year’s I resolve to be less awesome since that is really the only thing I do in excess." ~Anonymous
6. "It goes Christmas, New Year's Eve, and Valentine's Day. Is that fair to anyone who's alone? If you didn't get around to killing yourself on Christmas or New Year's, boom, there's Valentine's Day for you. There should be a holiday after Valentine's Day called 'Are you still here?'" ~ Laura Kightlinger
7. "Now there are more overweight people in America than average-weight people. So overweight people are now average… which means, you have met your New Year's resolution." ~ Jay Leno
8. "The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year's Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you're married to." ~ P.J. O'Rourke
9. "I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person." ~ Anonymous
10. "What you do for Jewish New Year is you go down to Times Square... It's a lot quieter than the regular New Year. It's just a few Jews walking around going, 'sup?'" ~ John Stewart

CHEERS TO HEALTH, HAPPINESS, & PLENTY OF KICKBALL IN THE NEW YEAR!

Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=107

EVEN JERKS DESERVE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS TOO!

As if going broke buying trucks full of Christmas presents for your family isn't annoying enough...you also are forced to buy gifts for the complete assholes in your life too! The last person in the world you want to spend time and money on during the holidays is that douche bag co-worker you share a cubicle with, who you know is "secretly" gunning for your job. Or your brothers bitch face girlfriend, who you are pretty sure is the anti-Christ. Or your dickhead cousin, who told your mom about you being kicked out of college before you were ready to come clean. Each year, we all have somebody in our circle that we'd rather punch than to buy a lovely holiday gift for. The good news is, there are plenty of inexpensive gifts out there that will satisfy this problem. There are only a few more days left until a morbidly obese old man falls down your chimney...so read up and get shopping! 

1. Fruitcake. It's pretty much a proven fact that nobody in the world likes fruitcake. It's a dense loaf of disgusting coated in nuts with pretend fruit and make-believe sugar. The only good thing about this bakery failure, is that it is a completely acceptable holiday gift, especially to those people you can't stand. There is pleasure to be had in knowing that your gift made your enemy gag.
   
   
2. Smooth Away Hair Remover. Though practical and useful for most, this little gem has the ability to permanently set the paranoia switch to ON. Once your brothers blood sucking girlfriend opens it, make sure you give a silent, yet firm head nod. This will have the biotch investigating her nose hair, chin, and girl-stache in the bathroom mirror for months. 
   
   
3. Shake Weight. Nobody is truly sure if this product improves your muscle tone or not. The only thing that is clear? Whoever uses it is guaranteed to look like a sloppy drunken prom date for the 6 minutes a day the workout calls for. Is there really any better way to make your sisters new asshole husband look like an acne ridden horny teenager that your dad wants to shoot out in the backyard? No, there isn't.
   
   
4. Perfect Bacon Bowl. Without a doubt, this item turns boring everyday cereal bowls into delicious pots of heaven. However, this tasty serving dish also comes at a price, usually paid for in higher insurance premiums. If you're looking to give your jerk face boss some serious health issues in 2015...then this is the perfect gift for you to put a bow on. Clogged arteries and high cholesterol are the gifts that keep on giving the whole year through.
   
   
5. Slim 'N Lift for Men. Nothing says "Merry Christmas Fatty" better than a male girdle. Really humiliate the personality freak in your life by silently telling them that looking at their man boobs and belly keg are annoying the hell out of you. Side Note: If you gave your boss the Perfect Bacon Bowl last year, this wife-beater clothing nightmare is a must give.
   
   
6. 30 Minute Abs. Keeping with the same "your mama's so fat" theme...the 30 Minute Abs workout video is also a great way to let that "special" someone know that they still have some body shaping to improve on. This passive/aggressive DVD will lightly inform your shithead cousin that the shorter versions of 6 and 5 Minute Abs are not going to work for them. They clearly need the full 30.
   
   
7. Bluetooth Headset. If you are enjoying hating on your enemy and want to add another yule log onto the "reasons why you can't stand them" fire - a Bluetooth headset is the staple gift to give. This little gadget will not only give you something else to laugh at for months on end, but it also gives you a free chance at a bitch slap without receiving an assault charge. The only problem with gift giving the Bluetooth Headset, is that most toolbox jackasses already have these.
   
   

Ho, Ho, Ho Ballers! Keep Calm & Kickball On in 2015!

Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=106

WE RESOLVE TO PLAY MORE KICKBALL IN 2015!

New Years Eve is fast-approaching, and soon "the busiest man in show business", Ryan Seacrest, will be leading the countdown for the ball to drop in Times Square. Once it drops, millions of drunk Americans will be launched into a new year with new personal resolutions. Even though studies show that a large percentage of people fail to keep their resolutions beyond the first few weeks of the new year, we believe that our kickballers will stick to their resolutions the whole year through. Here are just a few of the differences between the resolutions made by the average person and that of a NACKA Kickballer...

Resolutions for the Average Person vs. Resolutions for the NACKA Kickballer

The Average Person Resolves To: Spend more quality time with their families.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Spend more quality time at Sahlen Stadium.

The Average Person Resolves To: Cut back on alcohol.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Cut back on water.

The Average Person Resolves To: Exercise more.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Reserve all physical activity for the field.

The Average Person Resolves To: Find a more fulfilling job.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Find a way to make kickball their full-time job.

The Average Person Resolves To: Travel to more places.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Travel to more bases.

The Average Person Resolves To: Help others out.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Help others GET OUT!

The Average Person Resolves To: Eat healthier.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Eat whatever their team sponsor is serving.

The Average Person Resolves To: Improve on relationships.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Improve on fielding skills.

The Average Person Resolves To: Take a second honeymoon.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Take second base.

The Average Person Resolves To: Start taking daily vitamins.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Start taking performance enhancing drugs.

The Average Person Resolves To: Join a gym.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Join a league.

The Average Person Resolves To: Cut back on texting.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Cut back on sexting.

The Average Person Resolves To: Connect with friends.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Connect with the ball.

The Average Person Resolves To: Stop eating sweets.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Stop acting sweet.

The Average Person Resolves To: Take more pictures.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Be in more NACKA pictures.

The Average Person Resolves To: Drink more water.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Drink more of everything.

The Average Person Resolves To: Kick a bad habit.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Kick a home run.

The Average Person Resolves To: Stop calling their ex.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Stop getting called out.

The Average Person Resolves To: Get six-pack abs.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Get a six-pack of Molson.

The Average Person Resolves To: Sign-up for volunteering.
The NACKA Kickballer Resolves To: Sign-up for tournaments.

Whatever your resolutions are this year...cheers and good luck!

Source: http://www.nackakickball.com/article.cfm?Page=Articles&ArticleNumber=105