Cold weather got you down? We completely understand. In unfortunate weather times such as these, it's important to remember that there are still some fun things to do right from the comfort of your own couch. You can always take a nap, watch a movie, turn all the lights on and pretend you're on a beach somewhere, or better yet you can drink until you can't feel feelings anymore. Here are some drunk happy quotes from famous folks to help you crack open your first beer tonight...
“I got so wasted one night I waited for the stop sign to change, and it did.” ~ Steve Krabitz
"Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than to be selfish and worry about my liver." ~ Jack Handy
"I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.." ~ Joe E. Lewis
"Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder." ~ Anonymous
"Time is never wasted when you’re wasted all the time." ~ Catherine Zandonella
"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.'" ~ Dave Barry
"I love scotch. Scotchy, scotch, scotch. Here it goes down, down into my belly . . . " ~ Ron Burgundy
"It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is I can’t remember if it’s the thirteenth or the fourteenth." ~ George Burns
"I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn’t pronounce it." ~ Anonymous
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." ~ Henry Youngman
"I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it." ~ Rodney Dangerfield
"Drinking beer doesn’t make you fat; it makes you lean… against bars, tables, chairs, and poles."~ Anonymous
"Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy." ~ Frank Sinatra
"Pretty women make us BUY beer. Ugly women make us DRINK beer." ~ Al Bundy
"God invented whiskey to keep the Irish from ruling the world." ~ Ed McMahon
"I went on a diet, swore off drinking and heavy eating, and in fourteen days I lost two weeks." ~Joe E. Lewis
"I had to stop drinkin, cuz I got tired of waking up in my car driving ninety." ~ Richard Pryor
"If you don't drink, then all of your stories suck and end with, -And then I go home-." ~ Jim Jefferies
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." ~ Drew Carrey
"Ah that’s just drunk talk, sweet beautiful drunk talk.'" ~ Homer Simpson
This year lent begins on February 18th, Ash Wednesday. For 40 long days and 40 long nights, those who participate in this season give up something that they perhaps overindulge in throughout the year, such as; beer, road rage, value meals, etc. Lent is basically a session of self torture that thankfully comes to an end on Easter. Because seriously, how long can one really hold off on inhaling a #2 at Wendy's and washing it down with a pint of Guiness? Not long.
There's all sorts of things that people feel the need to give up during lent. From wearing plaid pants to swearing off of watching porn...the lent lists are endless and sometimes bizarre. If you are somebody who wants to give up something for lent but just can't seem to wrap your head around what that something is...then you should probably give up being a conceited ass. If you know you're pretty messed up but can't seem to narrow it down to giving up just one thing...then read on...this list may help.
The official list of the most popular lent give-ups for this year are not yet published...but the insight Gods at Yahoo Shine have "secretly" revealed that Social Media, Junk Food, Bad Habits, and crazy enough...Sex, have the #1 through #4 spots nailed down. To give y'all some ideas of what types of things are popular to cut-out of your life during lent...we turn our focus to what was popular to sacrifice last year...
Most Popular Lent Give-Ups in 2014:
School
Chocolate
Twitter
Swearing
Alcohol
Soda
Social Networking
Sweets
Fast Food
Homework
Lent
Junk Food
Meat
Coffee
Sex
Chips
You
Bread
Facebook
Pizza
Starbucks
Candy
Giving up things
Instagram
Religion
Whatever it is that you choose to give up this year...just make sure it isn't kickball. Giving up kickball would be like giving up air...and we all know how suffocation ends. It's not pretty.
This past Monday, miniature meteorologists dressed up as furry rodents, predicted how many weeks of winter us North Americans have left to endure. Turns out that the common consensus among the groundhog community is 6 more weeks. So we have that going for us, which is nice.
This February 2nd, marked the 129th Groundhog Day celebration. Which means for 129 years, we have been relying on sharp-toothed creatures emerging from hibernation to explain our weather forecast. As luck would have it for us spectators, sometimes these "weatherman" are rather cranky when casting their predictions. This year was no exception.
Jimmy the Groundhog was not thrilled to dish out his opinions about the jet stream in Sun Prairie, Wisconsin on Monday morning. While whispering his forecast to Mayor Jonathon Freund, Jimmy chomped down on the mayors ear in sweet vengeance. Sun Prairie reports that this is their second mayor in several years to be assaulted by a groundhog. Which is pretty awesome.
Back in 2009 at the Staten Island Zoo, Mayor Michael Bloomberg was bitten on his left hand when he tried to coax Chuck the Groundhog out of his wooden house. All of these violent physical crimes committed by lowland creatures had us thinking that perhaps there were several more victims out there...on YouTube.
After tirelessly searching through two full pages of YouTube video's we called the investigation quits. We are quite positive that groundhog bites are occurring at alarming rates, but if the evidence isn't clearly displayed on the first page of Google...it's time to move on.
What we did find however, were some good video's of news reporters being accosted by the animal kingdom, which is closely related and always fun to watch. It was pretty tough to narrow down our selection to just one video...but this one had the best assortment of animals and idiot reporters, so we had to include it. FYI: We could have shown an entire 14 minute video of just kangaroos kicking the crap out of people...but we'll keep that gem in our back pocket for a future article.
Remember...just because it's fluffy doesn't mean it isn't a highly trained assassin.
Now is not the time to bust out your infamous shrimp scampi skills or your great-great grandmas 100 year old lasagna recipe. It's Super Bowl time...and no Super Bowl party is complete without having most, if not all, of the food items listed below. If you want your guests heading for the door by pretending to receive family emergency phone calls, then by all means whip up an excellent chicken pot pie. But...if you want your party to rage beyond the passing out of championship gear, then make sure your Super Bowl menu is filled with these cherished football food classics.
***NOTE: This article only displays food selections, not beverage selections. We are assuming that you are smart enough to know that you better have a crap load of beer and liquor available. If you aren't planning on having these items...then forget the party. You most likely won't have any friends to invite anyway.
Chicken Wings. The quintessential football food staple. Watching football without chicken wings is like watching a baby bunny die. It's disturbing.
Nachos. Sure everyone fights to get the chip with all of the cheese piled on it...but isn't that what football is all about? Fighting for survival?
Potato Skins. This is the ultimate beer soak up finger food. Two skins will absorb two football quarters worth of alcohol. You might just be able to drive home after all.
Vats of Dips. From taco dips and salsa, to guacamole and queso, these chip accessories keep guests happy. Tip: Beware of the double dip invitee. There's always one at every party.
Pigs in a Blanket. Honor thy pigskin by rolling up a wiener in some dough and baking it to perfection. Add bacon to it...and you have yourself an immediate touch down with a 2-pt conversion.
Pizza. It's not Digiorno...it's delivery!! Heck, maybe you'll get lucky and Peyton Manning will show up with your Papa John's order. Turns out he's got no plans this Sunday.
Chili. A total football fan favorite. This classic tex-mex dish has been devoured by beer guzzling tailgaters for decades on end. It's hot and spicy...just like your party guests.
Meatballs. Come on...balls of meat. Do we really need to say anymore here? No we don't.
Vegetable Platter. We know this goes against every other menu item listed here...but, offering vegetables just shows your guests that you somewhat care about their health too!
5 Foot Long Sub. To serve up a meat filled sandwich that is as long as your shortest guest is tall, will definitely make you the MVP of the Super Bowl party. Trust us!
Right about now, adult kickballers all over the country are stretching out their hammies in anticipation of the fast-approaching spring season. Since the big Y2K disappointment, social kickball playing (for people over the age of 6) has taken the nation by storm. With binge drinking leagues popping up in nearly every city across the U.S., you'd be hard-pressed to find someone (yet again, over the age of 6) who doesn't know the in's & out's of kickball. You kick a rubber ball and you run your ass off. Pretty simple right? Yes, but did you also know some of these interesting facts about the wonderful world of kickball???
Kickball is a U.S. born sport, invented in 1917 by Nicholas Seuss, the supervisor of Cincinnati Park Playgrounds in Cincinnati, OH. And you thought "Cleveland Rocks"...it was Cincinnati the whole time.
Kickball was originally called "Kick Baseball" and "Soccer Baseball". What genius names did you expect from an era that wrapped up school in the 6th grade?
In the early 20's, kickball was used by P.E. teachers in school to teach children the basics of baseball. Which led to zero confusion when t-ball started. "A bat? Naw...I'll just use my foot."
In early kickball days, multiple players could be on the same base at the same time, there were no outs, no pitcher, no real "positions", and they used either a soccer or volleyball. This actually sounds like how most NACKA games are played when the beer truck offers 2 for 1 specials.
The earliest account of adults playing kickball was in 1922 at a teachers conference in Clinton County, NY. Yes Clinton County NY does exist. We looked it up on google maps too!
By 1930, kickball adopted the same rules as baseball. 3 strikes, 3 outs, 4 balls, and pitching and fielding positions were all added. So now we really have no idea what game is being played at Sahlen Stadium on Thursday nights??
During WWII, the Army played kickball during their down time. Imagine if they played it during fighting time. That really would have thrown the Germans for a loop.
In the Army during WWII, all kicks had to be home runs by beating the ball back to home. We're not sure how many NACKA players would've made it past bootcamp.
In South Korea, kickball is known as balyagu and is a staple in gym class. We just assumed that doing math equations was a gym class staple...our bad. (We kid, we kid!)
Kickball is known as kickbase in Japan. If they're kicking the bases instead of a ball...someone should probably cut off their saki supply.
In Latin America, kickball is almost exclusively played by women. FYI: NACKA is an equal opportunity kicking & drinking league.
Thriving kickball leagues for women exist in Venezula and Columbia. Can anyone smell a challenge here??
The World Adult Kickball Association (WAKA) was founded in 1998 by 4 guys drinking in a bar looking for ways to meet women and get laid. Yeah, that pretty much sums up kickball in a nutshell.
Kickball is coming soon ballers!! Start stretching now!
