DON'T SAY WE DIDN'T WARN YOU!

The season of non-stop horror movie marathons is in full swing! From machete wielding characters to wax museums that use all the friends you just went camping with as the exhibits...October is chock full of dark scary television fun. As cheesy as some can be, these creepy flicks have taught us some pretty good survival tools over the last several decades. By now, most of us know the "what not to do's" during this time of the year in order to survive. Just in case some of you have forgotten, here they are again in no particular order...

Babysit. We all know that babysitting only leads to death during the month of October. Even if it is the only time you get to bump uglies with your boyfriend without your parents finding out...don't do it. The kids sleeping upstairs have a better shot at surviving through the night than you and the high school quarter back do, grinding away on the living room couch. Most babysitting stabbings occur mid thrust anyway - leaving you and your partner not only dead...but very unsatisfied.
Run Out of Gas. With Kwik Fills and Sunoco stations on practically every street corner in America, it is amazing that this still happens. However, it does only seem to happen to good-looking men and women traveling at night on dark country roads. So if you need to visit Aunt Betty who lives in the sticks and you just happen to resemble Mila Kunis or Ryan Gosling...make sure you fill er' up.
Camping. If you know of anyone going camping this month, our advice is to quickly become the beneficiary on their life insurance policy - you'll cash in soon enough. It's a proven fact that going camping equals being sliced and diced, either in a tent or in a cabin. However, if it is out of your control and you are forced to do the unthinkable and go camping against your will...stay in a cabin that has indoor plumbing, never open the door to check on "that noise outside", don't step foot in the shower, and practice abstinence. Mixing sex with camping is a recipe for naked death. And if the campsite you're going to is named Crystal Lake...save sometime and just stab your own self in the face now.
Go In Basements. We understand that it is completely normal at other times of the year to check the electrical box in the basement when the power goes out...but not now, man. The absolute last thing you should ever do is check on anything in the basement. It's full throttle obvious that someone is waiting for you down there with a rusty butcher knife. If the power goes out - grab your dog (if their heads haven't been cut off yet and shoved through the doggie door) and run like hell. And don't run to your neighbors, masked men in blue jumpsuits can find you there too!
Skinny Dip. This is just not a good date night idea. Besides the possible unknown creature swimming below your feet - there is also the murderous threat that awaits on-shore. If one of you doesn't start suddenly splashing around in panic like a two-year old in a kiddie pool,only to disappear from the waters surface...chances are you are going to be greeted up on the sand by a chainsaw to the head. If you are looking for romance...light some candles and put on Michael Buble's greatest hits, skip the water.
Investigate Noises. Opening up the back door or going downstairs to check on a strange noise in the house is the number one cause of death for unsuspecting people during October. Of course you want to make sure "that noise" was just a cat in the alley or the hot water pipes rattling...but that's not what it will be if you go and check. There is definitely a freakishly strong psychopath in your house or some paranormal shit going on. It is always best to stay in bed with the covers over your head until morning. What you can't see won't hurt you is the proper approach to take here.
Make Out In A Car. This less than glamorous event has been killing teenagers on-screen for decades. If you want to be just another statistic...then by all means, park it and pucker up. However, if you want to live past tomorrow, avoid car make-out sessions in any location. Drive-in's, dark parking lots, wooded pull-offs, parking garages, and anything nicknamed "lovers lane" are all hotbeds of death and terror.
Stay In A Motel. We would recommend trying a Best Western or Hilton before deciding to pull into a motel located next to a truck stop. Besides the fact that these seedy vacancies never offer continental breakfasts or clean sheets to their guests, they are virtually nothing more than giant crime scenes of mass murders. But in the off chance that the Hyatt is completely booked and the Bates Motel is the only thing available for 300 miles...remember to never go to the vending machines - ice and Twizzlers are just not that important. It's also best to stack all of the motel furniture in front of the door as well. And if you find yourself in an adjoining room - drink a Red Bull and keep on driving.
Lose Phone Service. With cell towers practically out numbering people at this point, it is a bizarre occurrence if your cell phone completely loses its signal. On the Discovery Channel they even show Eskimo's talking on their iphone's while ice fishing in the Arctic. So if you find yourself in any of the aforementioned situations (camping in the woods, deserted on a dark country road, in a basement, in a motel, or babysitting) and your phone service goes dead - odds are that's how you are going to end up very shortly. Check your bars people!!
Be The Token. No matter what race or ethnicity you are...make sure you are not the only one of that color or origin within your group of friends. If you're from India and you find yourself at an all Japanese Halloween house party...you'll be the first to go. Being the "token" is a clear cut signal of death, without question. Be aware of your surroundings. If you become out numbered by a group of whites, blacks, Koreans, or Turkish opera singers...just run. Yes, there is safety in numbers...but right now it's only safe if those numbers look the same as you.